Confessions

so, i know live journal is basically dead...but this is kind of the one place i get things out ya know???



i am trying with all of my heart to let go, to give up, and to just be careless.
but i am not the type of person who breaks a promise....
i promised i would never give up and i am probably the only person who hasnt yet,
but boy oh boy...its hard sometimes and i really wish i could...

dont get me wrong though...i am doing pretty darn good with letting go...so hey, cheers to that man!!!!


i am not going to lie, i am SUPER SUPER excited for summer, but scared in a way...scared that it won't be the same as last year and that i won't be hanging out with the people i basically lived with...makes me sad, so hopefully that doesnt happen. ;D



THREE MORE DAYS! AH!!!!!

do you ever wonder what other people do to get such great things. or if they really know what they have?? because some people have just the greatest things that they take advantage of, or they just don't see it. i don't understand it. how can someone have something that is believed to be so great, but not realize what they have, or even worse, not care?? idk ..... some one please answer me that




this is/was the last time...hope you know what you are doing.

yesturday/last night was probably my favorite day of break. i sat around all day, but kind of hung out with my sister. got ready for the hockey game that was at st. mary's. charlie and julian came up there, which made me nervous, but i was glad. we won the game which allowed me to jump for joy. chris and i were supposed to hang out but his mom wouldnt let him have the car, so she told him i could just spend the night, which was pretty sweet. we rented Red Eye, which was a really good movie (only because mr. christopher james wouldn't watch houes of wax, the a-hole!). i had to wake up at 7 because chris's dad was picking him up at like 9 and jaime was going in to work at 7:30, but its all good. i walked into the guest bedroom and little christophers cute head popped up and gave me his little goofy smile (makes me smile just thinking about it) and hes like, i'm going back to sleep, come cuddle with me. i did, but his sister was waiting for me unfortunately so i left and we had our little girl talk in the car which was nice/funny............let me just tell you guys, i am the dumbest person in the world, just a word of advice, don't allow yourself to be on autopilot when it comes to the phone!!! hhahaha, i am the stupidest person and i am majorly embarrassed, not going to say what happened, but lets just say i made an oops lol.





i had a question up here before,  "when was when is the last time you have been happy??? anyone??? the last time you have TRULY, HONESTLY been happy? when was the last time you had a REAL nice laugh, that wasn't just because something was alright funny, but tummy aching, honest to God laughing??" ....and i truly believe that last night was that night for me, and let me tell you, it was niiiiice. hopefully the weeks to come are like this as well. because i really needed it.

with every step i take i do more harm than good.
impossible to do anything right.





when is the last time you have been happy??? anyone??? the last time you have TRULY, HONESTLY been happy? when was the last time you had a REAL nice laugh, that wasn't just because something was alright funny, but tummy aching, honest to God laughing??

i am sooooo tired of being lied to by mostly everyone. if you don't think i can handle the truth get the fuck over it. i am not some little ignorant girl who can't handle the truth. i am alot stronger than you people think so get the fuck over yourself and tell me the truth. because you are making me look like the idiot, just because of a mistake you made.

all of you fucking hypocrits can SUCK IT because you are the dumbest people in the world.

this weekend is just not my weekend. i don't know, it just really isnt. last night lizzy and i went to the senior show which was pretty good. then we went to jj's house to hang out with greg, jj (obviously), price, mark, and shelby. which was alot of fun. today checkley came over and we hung out for a while. freaking checkley, he is rediculus. he calls me at like 12:40 and is like i am up at the cheerleading competition and they don't cheer until 3:30 so can i come over until then, cuz i don't feel like going all the way back to my house. so we chilled and his impatient ass went back up there (freakign loser). i was invited to go to the movies with him, ben, and caprice, but i decided not to. i went tanning with lizzy, then we went to the hockey game, arriving waaaaaaay late heh (us and time, not a good mix). afterward there was absolutely nothing to do, so grundy and i went over to her house and we just chilled and talked about EVERYTHING, it was actually pretty fun (for the most part). tomorrow i am going to the mall me mi madre. and then lizzy is coming over for math. good weekend SYKE! paaaaaaace, um yea no...bye everyone.

congratulations to all of the cheerleaders (wish i was there today, but couldn't make it). good job ladies, keep the good work up!!!!!!

damn......shit hurts.

it is said, that with every death, a new life is born.


your soul shall live on, and you will no longer suffer.
that day i dread, but can't wait for.
a day to see you suffer no more
it could come all too soon.

strength: Capacity or potential for effective action


when you can look into someone's eyes and see such pain and weakness, but they don't let it defeat them.
when they want nothing but to sleep and stop hurting all of the time
and yet, then still make sure everyone else is happy.

we take this strength for granted.

just a horrible memory i thought was gone

old ghosts.....have come back to haunt me

i no longer have anyone to talk to about it.
i once did, but i guess and i can rethink counting on anyone



everyone will eventually let you down
if they do it once, they will do it again.